(Part: 43 Broken Dreams) Love Or Sin {Sidnaaz}
Shivansh was completely shattered. He was standing on the cliff and screaming but the pain was not lessening. Today, he lost all his dream also with Shehnaaz. He had seen many dreams with her, having babies, she is confessing love to him, they both are playing with their kids and the dream of growing old with her. When he was seeing those dreams, he didn’t know that one day his all dreams would be broken like this. If he had known, he would have never seen those dreams.
He was feeling like to jump off the cliff and end his all pain with his life. He was feeling like the whole world is collapsing down in front of his eyes. He had never thought that she would fall in love with Sidharth. He couldn’t even fight to get her because she was in love with his best friend. There was no hope left with him of getting his love. He was feeling so empty like nothing had left with him. The one year was so beautiful with her. She was the happiness of his life. He was trying to keep her happy and he had always thought about her happiness before his own happiness. He was so in love with her that he couldn’t see that she wasn’t in love with him.
But now he was realising that he was such a fool. He was realising that whenever he used to come close to her, she used to push him away and give some excuse. He was blindly in love with her and he was happy. Her behaviour was clearly telling him that she didn’t love him but still, he ignored everything and keep loving her unconditionally. But he got pain and only pain in return.
He went to the bar and got drunk. One drink after another drink, but the pain wasn’t lessening. All the moments which he had spent with her, they were beautiful and precious which he wanted to forget but it isn’t easy to forget the best time of our life. Memories can never be forgotten whether they are good or bad.
Shehnaaz woke up after a few hours and found Sidharth, sitting beside her bed, on the stool, holding her hand. Sidharth gave her a small smile, caressing her hair with his free hand.
“How are you feeling?” He asked concernedly, putting hands on her face. He was gently caressing her soft cheek with his thumb.
“I’m fine.” She replied to him, blinking her eyes.
“Where is Shivansh?” His face expression changed as Shehnaaz asked about Shivansh.
“Now, he knows everything.” Sidharth sighed.
“He was badly hurt but still he neither blamed me nor you. He just asked me to take care of you. He loves you a lot, Shehnaaz. I don’t know how he will move on…” Sidharth was staring straight, distressed. Shehnaaz closed her eyes dejectedly.
“I was wishing him to hate me,” Shehnaaz uttered suddenly, gazing straight. Then turned her face to look at Sidharth. She found him staring at her confusingly.
“If he had hated me, maybe it would have become a bit easy to move on for him.”She again looked straight blankly.
“Don’t you think ?” she asked after looking at him.
“The person who loves you, that person can never hate you. He can only pretend but his heart can never hate you. You know, one-sided love, it gives extreme pain to you but still, you can’t stop loving that person who loves another person. Seeing that person whom you love, with somebody else, it burns your heart. I have gone through this pain because I didn’t know that you love me. I was thinking that my love is one-sided and I had accepted this truth, putting the stone on my heart that you can never be mine. But still, I could never stop my heart from loving you, for not even a single second. You know, I had never wished you to love me back because I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want that Shivansh goes through the same pain which I have gone through. But all these things were written in our destiny. I’m relieved that now he knows the truth. The day, Shivansh will move on his life happily, that day, I will be happy from my heart.” Sidharth was telling her everything which was going in his mind. Shehnaaz was listening to him silently.
“Sidharth, I want to meet him. I want to apologise from him. Please, take me to him.” She requested Sidharth holding his hand. He nodded his head positively.
One maid told Sidnaaz that she had leave Shivansh in his room and also told them that he was completely drunk and he was also breaking the things in his room. Sidnaaz looked at each dejectedly after knowing about his condition. They were dying in the pool of guilt every second.
“Shehnaaz, you go. I will not able to see him in this condition.” Sidharth asked Shehnaaz to go alone. She went upstairs after glancing at him, dejected. Sidharth had no courage to see him in the pain, the pain which was given by him only. He wanted to console his friend but he knew, his presence would only increase his pain. He was glad that he didn’t hate him but he was hating himself for destroying his friend’s life. He would never able to forgive himself for hurting his best friend.
Shehnaaz was standing outside of Shivansh’s room holding the knob of the door. Before stepping inside, she was composing herself by taking a deep breath. She opened the door after wiping her tears with her knuckles. As she was about to take the first step, her eyes fell on the broken photo frame which was lying on the floor near to the door. In the photo, Shivansh was smiling brightly, having so much love in his eyes while looking at the laughing Shehnaaz. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks automatically. She bent down and picked up the frame. She looked at the surroundings and found that the whole room was messed up. Nothing was kept on its place.
She saw the door of the balcony was ajar. She understood that Shivansh was in the balcony. She kept the frame on the table and toiled to the balcony. She saw Shivansh, sitting on the railing, facing his back to her. She was walking toward him slowly with heavy heart. Her heart was thumping and her breath was becoming heavy with every step which she was taking toward him.
“Shi… Shivansh” she gathered courage and called him.
Shivansh was sitting holding the glass of scotch. As he heard her voice, he clutched the glass and squeezed his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” She apologised, fighting back with the tears.
“Shehnaaz, just go away from here. I don’t want to talk.” He asked her to go after composing himself because he was not in his senses. He knew, his words could hurt her which he didn’t want. He always wanted her happiness. In drunk state also, he was thinking about her.
“Shivansh, I know you are badly hurt because of me. I never wanted to hurt you. I always love you, but just as a good friend only. I care for you. I know, you love me a lot and I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you back and keep asking for the time, instead of telling you that I don’t love you.” She was feeling extremely guilty for not loving her husband back. She was crying badly looking down. It hurt Shivansh a lot when she said that she doesn’t love him. He had been longing to hear ‘I love you’ from more than a year and listening to this, it broke his heart into millions of pieces. “I,”
He jumped down the railing after turning toward her and reached her within a second. He cut her words and asked after pulling her toward himself by grabbing her arms. “Is something wrong in me that you don’t love me, Shehnaaz ?” He had tears in his eyes, his voice was filled with pain and his lips were trembling.
“No, Shivansh, you are perfect. You have a golden heart. Nothing is wrong in you. I don’t know why my heart can’t love you. It’s my fault, not yours.” She shouted, cutting his words because she never wanted him to think that something was wrong in him.
“I loved you a lot and it is hurting a lot. You know, what’s more hurting me?” He asked while crying badly now. Shehnaaz was also crying, looking at him silently.
“ that I still can’t stop my heart from loving you, Shehnaaz, not even after knowing that you love somebody else and you can never be mine.” He dug his nails in her arms, pulling her closer to himself.
Shehnaaz was completely understanding his state. It is not easy to stop loving somebody. She had tried to stop loving Sidharth so many times but she had always failed.
“I love you, Shehnaaz.” He cupped her face and cried touching his face with her. She too cried. He could feel her hot breath on his lips. He was badly feeling like to kiss her lips and taste her juicy lips for the last time. He wanted to kiss her lips for his survival.
He suddenly pushed her and moved away from her. “Now you just go away from here, Shehnaaz, or else I will never let you go.” He asked her to go after turning toward another side. She bit her lower lip and cried, squeezing her eyes shut.
“I’m sorry, Shivansh.” She apologised for the last time and ran from there while crying badly.
“I love you, Shehnaaz. I love you…” Shivansh screamed holding the railing tightly as Shehnaaz left.
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