Desire To Control Her (Part: 30 Past?) Manan
As she hugged me, I pushed her away, getting angry with myself.
I’m not understanding why I’m breaking my own rules and becoming so sweet with her. I’m not like this.
Last night I slept with my submissive and today I kissed her lips, these are the things which I had never done before with any of my subs.
What she is doing to me?
Why am I letting her do this to me? Why am I letting her come close to me?
She can’t change me. Again I can’t become softhearted and regretful. I can’t let anybody hurt me again.
“Leave right now.” I barked at her, I’m not angry with her, I’m angry with myself.
“What happened to you, suddenly?” She asked me, confused. Hurt etched deep within her eyes.
“I’m your Master, Butterfly. If you want to stay in this relationship, you have to listen to me. If your Master asked you to leave, so leave without any question.” I shouted and she flinched before hurriedly stepping out of the car and rushing to her house.
I know today I behaved rudely with her. But I can’t make the same mistake again and again.
She is just my submissive, that’s it.
Suddenly my eyes moved up toward her room’s window and I saw her standing, staring at me with moist eyes. I can clearly see that she got hurt because I behaved curtly with her.
I had no intention to hurt her. I can’t hurt anybody intentionally because I know how it feels when someone hurts you.
I felt some kind of pain in my heart seeing her wet eyes and it hurt more because they are brimmed with tears because of me.
Fuck!! What is happening to me?
Why she is affecting me so much?
I can’t let her come close to me and affect me anymore.
“I’ll talk to her about all this later because I just need some space.” I murmured to myself and drove off.
I’m not understanding what had happened to him all of sudden. He behaved so rudely with me for the first time. The way he pushed me and shouted at me, I felt so hurt.
I was on cloud nine after knowing that last night he slept, holding me in his arms and the way he kissed me so softly for a few seconds, within those few seconds he had taken me to heaven. I was overwhelmed with utter contentment at that time.
Why did he behave so rudely with me after making me heavenly incredible?
It’s hurting a lot.
Tears slipped down my cheeks automatically.
I like my sweet Dom. I just want him only.
Then only the doorbell rang and I came on the earth back. I wiped my tears and went to open the door.
I opened the door and saw a woman and behind her two men in black suits are standing with luggage. I narrowed my brows bemusedly.
“Manik Sir has sent this for you.” Before I could ask her, she told me and cleared my all doubts.
He must have sent his clothes for me. After his morning behaviour, I’m not even feeling like keeping his clothes.
“Take them away, I don’t need them anymore.” I stated in anger.
“But Mam, we can’t take them back, Sir will scold us. You can talk to him about this later and give them back.” She said and I rolled my eyes.
The two men kept the luggage inside and left with that woman.
I closed the door and went back to my room.
He makes me feel things no one can ever make me feel, therefore I’m with him. I’m fine with his dominating nature but I can’t take his rudeness.
Fresh tears coursed down my cheeks, I felt so good when he kissed my lips so softly but he spoiled everything.
Again the doorbell rang, I wiped my tears and went to open the door.
It’s Eve. She glared at me in anger.
“Nanz, why didn’t you tell me about Manik before. You don’t know about Manik anything. He is the strictest Dom. How did you agree to become his submissive? Is he forcing you?” Eve asked me concernedly.
“Eve, relax. I come into this relationship with him willingly. I just want to experience new things and Manik since the beginning wanted to make me his submissive. So I agreed.” I explained to her in short.
“Okay, come with me. I have to tell you something.” She held my hand and led me to the hall. We both settled down.
“Look, Nanz, I just want to make you aware of a few things about Manik.” She said in a serious tone, making a bit tense.
“What?” I asked in a low voice.
“I have seen him punishing his subs severely in public. I can’t even imagine you in their place. I’m concerned for you, Nanz.”
“What have you seen, tell me?”
“A few months back, he ordered his submissive to give him a blow job in front of everybody and also punished her on the stage in front of everybody. He dropped the hot wax on every part of her body and then removed the dried wax by whipping her.” Chills rushed down my spine as Eve told me all this and her words made me shudder.
Manik had told me that he used to punish his submissive in public, but now after knowing how he used to punish them, I’m frightened.
What if he does the same with me in future?
But he said that he won’t do anything with me in public but I can’t even imagine him punishing me like this in private even. I’m afraid now.
Why can’t he come into a normal relationship with me?
“Nanz, think about all this. I seriously feel like Manik isn’t good for you. You deserve love, not all this. You’re such an innocent and sweet soul. You’re like a free bird, I don’t want you to get change for him. Don’t lose yourself because of him.” She said, placing her hand on my face.
Her words are affecting me but she doesn’t know, I like Manik, now I can’t stay without him. But I’m scared.
“Eve, just relax. I know everything about him. He has promised me that he won’t do anything which hurts me. He has already told me that he used to punish his subs in public but he won’t punish me in public. He is very sweet to me. He is my sweet Dom. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt me.” I reassured her.
I just wish he remains sweet with me forever.
“Really! Is he sweet?” She asked incredulously.
I nodded. “Yes. So don’t worry. I’m happy with him.” I smiled at her.
“I’m so relieved to know this. But I’m still so shocked that you’re in this relationship.” She said in a disbelief tone.
“I’m shocked either.” I said and we both laughed.
“For now I’m going to sleep because I’m tired but I want details after I woke up.” She stood up from the sofa.
She smiled at me and strolled to her room.
I also came back to my room and lay down on the bed after wearing comfortable clothes, shorts and a loose top. I’m not feeling like doing anything. I’m feeling so low today.
Today should have been the best day of my life because today Manik kissed me for the first time and made me feel so incredible but it isn’t the best day anymore. I’m still wondering why did he become so rude suddenly and also about Eve’s words that how he used to punish his subs, it’s so dreadful. I can’t even imagine all this happening to me. I’m terrified after knowing this.
Will he punish me like this too?
Oh, God! I’m so confused now with my decision of coming into a BDSM relationship with him.
Yes, I still want to stay with him, but I’m scared now.
I’m sitting with Dev in the bar and sharing everything with him.
“Dev, I’m feeling like she is changing me and making me softhearted again. You know today I broke my own rules by sleeping and kissing her. You know that this is the hard limit for me. I’m feeling like she is coming close to me.”
I frowned to see him smiling at me like an idiot. Here I’m in trouble and he is smiling.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head and uttered, “look Manik, you’re overthinking about all this. Just go with the flow. If she is coming close to you, then let her come,”
“No, I can’t let any woman come close to me and you know that why.” I said, cutting his words.
“Manik, you have to forget the past and move on. It’s been ten years now. You can’t spoil your life anymore. Don’t lose Nandini because of your past, Manik, please.” He implored.
“It’s not easy, Dev. I can’t repeat the same mistake.” I said, staring straight and gulped the whole glass of whisky in one go.
So what do you think, what’s Manik past?